


Runaway

by MakennaSweets1967



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, M/M, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Pining, not in school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:40:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27612902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakennaSweets1967/pseuds/MakennaSweets1967
Summary: Cas had all his boxes pack neatly in his dad’s old car, there wasn’t much just a few boxes. He stood outside his family home, frowning up at the house. A letter left on the counter.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 35





	Runaway

**Author's Note:**

> Just something I wrote. I will write for the new episodes soon but currently can't think about it for too long without crying.

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. That is what everyone says anyway, but what if your love was never returned is it still better to have loved, and to be in love. I can't tell anymore. 

I think the thing about being in love with your best and pretty much only friend is the loneliness. The spiraling that happens inside your brain. It's not their fault but it hurts when you always think about them and know they aren't thinking about you. The thing about loving your best friend is that even though you text all the time you always feel like you care more than they do. It's because you do care more, you care in the way that you are in love with them. 

You think about them all the time, the way they laugh, the things you did together, the small brushes of your hands, and god you think about them. You always want to talk to them and be closer, and sometimes when you look into their eyes you want to die. Because you love them so much but you know if you told them they could never love you back. But you won't die, because you don't want them to hurt, and you will never see them again. You feel like you can't leave because you know they will forget about you, and you won't be able to love them anymore. 

The only thing I can do is leave though, because even though it will break my heart, at least it won't be broken every time I see the way you look at her. 

\--

Cas had all his boxes pack neatly in his dad’s old car, there wasn’t much just a few boxes. He stood outside his family home, frowning up at the house. A letter left on the counter. 

Not that anyone would care not his father Chuck, nor his brothers Micheal or Lucifer. 

Many times they had told him to leave anyway. Sneered at him for being gay, laughed when he painted his nails. Told him, even if he found someone with as much sin as him he still would never be loved. That he should just leave. 

After Gabriel left no one ever cared, for years, except Dean. Countless nights he begged for Gabriel to come back, to save him, to do anything except just sending him postcards and letters. He didn't. In time Cas accepted this because he wouldn't have left in those years anyway, because of Dean. Even all the slurs, all the ignoring, and all the pain, there was Dean. 

Cas rested his head on the steering wheel for a moment before sucking in a deep breath. 

It was time to leave now, and it was probably for the best, he'd lived this life for 18 years too long. School only had a week left and he finished early. It is time to run away to start a new life, to find a family that doesn't end in blood; as Dean once claimed. Dean was that family for him, but it hurt too much when he only viewed him as a brother. 

No matter where he goes, he will remember Dean, they will be under the same moon, on the same earth, under the same sun. That's enough for him. 

"Goodbye," Castiel whispered although there was no one there to hear him. He stuck the key in the ignition, the low purr of his car filled the air. Letting out a puff of air he shifted the car into reverse, letting his foot off the brake. 

Just as he did, he slammed his foot back down on it as the passenger door swung open. 

"Jesus christ Dean" Cas threw the car back into park, holding a hand over his rapidly beating heart. Despite the wicked scowl he threw, Dean kept his cheeky smile in place. 

"Whatcha doing Cas" Dean beamed, his pearly whites showing. 

Cas felt himself pale a little bit this isn't how it was supposed to go. He was just supposed to leave and he would send Dean a letter after he was long gone; one he still hadn't found the words to write but still one nonetheless. 

Dread mounted inside of him as Dean looked around, he watched his face fall into a sort of frown. Cas looked away.

"What is this Cas," Dean asked in a low almost careful voice as if speaking too loud would cause Cas to run "These boxes"

Cas gaped "I - can- Chuck... and I have to"

Maybe it was just Castiel projecting, but a look of hurt flashed across Dean's face. He leaned across the seat into the back, flipping one of the boxes open, "Your books, and clothing, and my ACDC shirt I left at your house. Cas what is this?"

Cas swallowed it felt as if he had swallowed a bag of sand, he could hardly speak "I have to leave"

"What" Dean panicked, reaching out to touch Cas's shoulder, "Why? I know your family, but why wouldn't you tell me. What about us - what about me."

"What about me Cas" Dean repeated, dropping his hand, his eyes just on the verge of red, with unshed tears. Cas felt his heart drop to his feet, Dean never let anyone see him cry. Only a handful of times in the last twelve years he saw it. 

Cas wanted to reach out; he wanted to hold Dean, to stop him to tell him that he wouldn't leave. He didn't though because that was the problem wasn't it "That's the point, Dean. You are... You are the problem."

"What" Dean swallowed his face guarded, something Cas hadn't seen since Dean's mother died and his father left. He ran his tongue over the front of his teeth, his voice riddled with anger and pain "I'm the problem? I have done nothing but try to be here for you, to be your friend. Hell even to be your family - I thought-"

Dean didn't finish his sentence though just looking to stare out the window.

Cas slammed his hands against the steering wheel "That's what I'm saying Dean, you are my family just my family, and trust me I feel so happy to be that to get to be your family. But I can't do this, because that is all I am. Your family you will never see me as anything more." Cas ground his teeth trying to rein in the tears that were threatening to spill over "but my heart can't take one more moment of watching you look at Lisa, watching you kiss her the way you do; because I want you to look at me like that and I want to be the one you are kissing. I love you. But I love me too, and I can't let my heartbreak over and over; when I see you and know you will never love me the same."

Without another word, Cas stepped out of the car, walking away. He didn't know where he was going he just knew he needed to leave, and when he returned he knew Dean would be gone. 

"Wait Cas- Stop" Dean yelled sprinting behind him, he spun Cas around, wiping away the tears Cas wasn't aware had fallen "Did you mean that"

Cas nodded miserable waiting for the cruel laughter, or maybe the yelling about how disgusting he is, but nothing came but stock silence. Finally, Cas pulled his eyes from the cracked concrete beneath his feet, only to be met with the last thing he expected a smile. A warm and gooey smile that reminded him of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. 

Tipping his head to the side Cas stared at Dean in confusion. Before he had a chance to react, Dean's lips were on his own, after a moment Cas finally reacted. Pushing back his arm snaking around Dean's waist and the other on Dean's bicep where he was holding Cas's shoulders. 

Dean's lips were plush against his own better than Cas could have ever imagined. It felt as if time stopped - as if it wasn't even real, nothing was real at that moment except for him and Dean. When they finally broke apart their bodies still flush against each other, Dean whispered on Cas's lips "I love you too dumbass. Let's do it let's run away together."

"Dean" Cas chided, taking a step back. 

But Dean only relented taking a step forward, grabbing Cas's hand "I mean it Cas. We are done with school, I can go home get my things, you won't have to steal your Dad's car, we can take baby." He practically begged all with a rush, referring to his impala, that was back at home.

"What about Sam, and Bobby?" Cas asked about Dean's brother and father figure. though he had to admit there was a bubble of hope, and even if there wasn't. Cas could stand a million more years with his own family if it meant being with Dean.

"Sammy is leaving for Stanford next year, and Bobby will support whatever I want."

Cas nodded with a grin, but only for a moment before a frown returned "and what about college?"

It wasn't as if Cas hadn't applied to schools too, he had. He and Dean had applied and gotten into the same ones, but Cas had never accepted because he didn't expect to be here for it. 

"We have all summer Cas to run, and then come with me. We can be together, you don't know how long I've wanted this. Fuck your shitty, homophobic family. Come on Cas, let's do it, be my boyfriend, run away with me."

After a moment Cas nodded "okay" 

Dean took off in a sprint after hearing Cas's words, "I'll be right back"

Cas watched with a grin as Dean ran off, till he was out of view. He turned back pulling the boxes from his dad's old car. They sat by his feet as he waited. Part of him wondered as he stood there alone if this was all just a cruel joke. 

Then he heard the rumbling of the impala come to a stop on the street in front of him. Dean hopped out taking his boxes and shoving them alongside what Cas expected were his own. Without looking back Cas got in, looking over at the sparkling green eyes beside him. 

Just like the dust behind the car, the past was left behind as they drove into the future. There was still a lot to talk about, but for now, he had Dean's hand in his own and the endless stretch of road in front of them. That's all that seemed to matter; it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Because sometimes you get to love and not lose.

**Author's Note:**

> Stay strong and keep fighting.  
>  \- Makenna(Maka) Sweets


End file.
